Posted by: alldaydreamin on: January 23, 2012
So, sometimes we do things that we may not think through all the way from every angle, and yet, we do them. We do not mean harm to anyone, so it isn’t something that we maliciously do, but we do not think about every angle and other perspectives. I my friends, have recently done this and I am dealing with the hard part now, the learning and trusting.
It is so hard because there are ways that none of us wish to be perceived and there are ways that we come across to others. We are all hurt and struggle with different things and so sometimes we do it wrong and sometimes we have to deal with how the other person reacts.
As I sit here in Annapolis looking out the window at the ice and the snow, I replay my conversations in my mind, but for what reason? How is this going to change my problem, the one that is set before me? The fact of the matter is, it won’t, so what are my options? I could sit here beating myself up for something that I accidentally did or I can trust Jesus that He works all things for good. I know in my heart that I did everything from my side to make this better, so I can have a clear conscience because I know I did not have any ill will towards this person.
So, that is what I am choosing, I am going to embrace the hurt and embrace my faults and learn from them. I am going to trust Jesus and believe Him when he says He will take care of us and protect us. I am going to ask for Him to cover me with His peace and thank Him for His grace. Just because I am free in my relationship with Jesus, it doesn’t mean that it is going to be easy and that it isn’t going to hurt, but I choose to embrace it. I embrace it even when it hurts and I am sure I will cry more, but I will pick myself back up because I know that I will do it better the next time around. I will take the extra caution and think about everyone involved who could get impacted by my decisions.
This is what I have decided, and I know I will not be perfect and I will not have it all down, but I will be alright and I will come out stronger in the end because the enemy will not have a foothold in my heart and I know that I was not called to fear. Today, I am taking it as it comes as far as emotions go, but tomorrow will be better and the following days after that.
I want freedom, not bondage from my own mistakes, so who’s with me?? It isn’t going to be pretty, but we will prevail and come out on the other side!
January 23, 2012 at 8:27 pm
Amy what you shared is beautiful, raw, and filled with strength. We have all been in your place and will probably find ourselves again in the same situation. You are an incredible woman and I know our Lord will bless your faithfulness and sincerity. Thank you for your willingness to allow us into your heart and for each of use to feel power in knowing we are covered by our Savior even in times when we feel defeated or hopeless. Jesus gives of strength to know there is a greater purpose for our lives and the lives we touch. Love you dear deeply you are not alone, praying always.